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Saturday, September 26, 2009

i realised i have abandoned my poor blog for almost 2 months.haha i guess i abandoned quite a lot of things these 2 months,thx to the all impt prelims.and i sort of din perform as well as i wanted myself to,despite all the trying-my-best-to-mug-as-hard-as-possible thingy.oh wells.sometimes i think i juz expect too much.whether it is studies,or other things tht i deem impt in my life.sometimes i wonder if i would be better off if i hadnt experienced those few moments,moments tht i took for granted after a while,moments tht made me feel tht i was quite blessed actually,moments tht left me expecting more.looking back,i realised those moments are,if u put it in chi, ke3 yu4 bu4 ke3 qiu2.sometimes i really dun understand.i guess there are some things tht i never will understand.from time to time i will convince myself tht im really a v blessed person,and its really stupid to keep harping on things tht make my life seem like a mess.it really isnt.im so much better off compared to many other ppl,so i shud really be contented.

haha its funny hw b4 the prelims i would always think of the day when prelims finally end,and how relieved and happy i would feel.but when its finally here,i realise im nt as relieved and happy as i expected myself to be.and im like so used to the routine of studying studying studying tht i dun really know wad to do wif the extra time i haf on my hands nw.and sometimes i dun really like the extra time.it gives my mind the chance to run wild,bringing up memories tht make my heart squish into a lump,imagining all the things tht may or may nt haf happened,all the what-ifs,pondering about all the unanswered questions,wondering hw things can juz take a 360 degree change overnight.over this period of time i made a new discovery.i realised heartache is not just a descriptive word,used when a person is feeling extremely hurt and upset.it really hurts.like the word ache suggests.i never knew.

omg i realised its like 1 am in the nite,and im supposed to be slping,and yet im writing all these emo crap.haha maybe cos i spent a major part of today reading an emo book.oh wells,i shall stop acting like an emo kid and go to bed nw.

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