i found my new crush.hehe amidst my busy work schedule(in case yall dno yet im striving to become a workaholic xD).xiao le in xia yi zhan!!!!!!!!!!!i've decided to crush 5 yr olds frm nw on.it shud make me happier(:

sighh anw i think im working too hard.im falling sick.bleahhhhh.i oso dno why im working my socks off,nt as if i need the cash.maybe i knw why.sigh wadeva.

so nw my life is basically work,watch xia yi zhan,work,watch xia yi zhan.lol.cant wait for my driving lessons to start(: so exciting.driving makes me feel grown up(: hehe.

then recently i think this song is uber nice.hehe.esp the lyrics.niceeeeeeeeeee.

他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

registered for my driving lessons and tests and stuff ystd(: feel quite gd about it, tht's one strike off my lists of to-dos(: im trying to find stuff to do/learn to make myself feel useful other than working.hmm,but it's so difficult to find courses and stuff, at least im finding it difficult xD

today got some advice frm my boss/ex tutor about uni apps.he adviced me to do accountancy or some sciences.cos he feels im more of a science person.which is quite true act, i feel the same abt myself xD then i asked him abt studying in smu, then he said smu is ok,then he told me to do a double degree in econs and business management.then i was like siao ah, my econs uber suck xD but he said econs in uni is diff frm jc.then he told me to go read and expose myself more to real world economics maybe i will find it interesting.perhaps bah.i oso dno.then at first he said chem engineering was nt a bad idea oso.then he called his ex student to help me ask abt life in nus chem engineering, then in the end she was like dun come nus chem engineering cos its uber competitive.lol.then i was telling him hw my mum wants me to do law, then he adviced me against it cos he say i will get bullied xD i think so too hahah.i realised my tutor kan4 ren2 quite zhun3.haha.so this short talk with me inspired me to go look at the uni websites to see the courses and admission details and stuff.which left me even more discouraged and confused.haha.cos the admission criteria for the courses im thinking of all v high.sighhhhhhhhhhhh.nvm nvm,i'll make a gd decision in the end(:

i shall become a workaholic xD then maybe i'll stop thinking too much abt alot of things(:

sometimes the memories are worth the pain.

hahaa i realised im working quite hard xD i din expect myself to stand working such long hours.by long i mean like for eg on sun,i work the entire day,until 10 plus at nite.sun u know!!lol.and other days too,depending on hw much admin work thr is to be done and wad clses thr are and whether i need to do any one-to-one makeup.hahaa,but strangely im nt dreading it.yet.lol.although 1-to-1's r really stressful and i always hafta prepare b4hand which means im like studying phy all over agn xD but its kinda fun seeing the j2s getting stressed out while im kinda over tht period.oops.hahahahaha.i hope i wun hafta work so long hours for the whole of 6 months.cos thr r other things i act really wna accomplish in this hol.kk let me list it out.
1. driving lessons
2. learn hw to cook(i've given up on finding clses its like so difficult,i shall buy cookbooks and experiment at hm)
3. basic dance clses?
4. resume guitar cls
5. read up on uni courses and really decide on wad i wna study
6. lookup on unis (both local and overseas)

yupp.and besides all these and work i still wna haf time for my frens.sighh sounds like mission impossible.but nvm i'll work it out.hha.i realised having work is gd in a sense i learn things and i spend my time more meaningfully,but i really means having quite a great commitment, and im nt so free to say yes so readily to my frens anymore.which makes me kinda sad): i used to be really free and readily available for most of my frens dates xD but nw i hafta see hw and beg my fren to cover me or beg my boss for off.like i haf a cls chalet coming up,but i dun knw whether i can go.and my sec4 cls dinner oso,i oso dno whether i can make it.sighhhh.im sad.cos these sort of catching up are impt to me.but i cant neglect my work commitment oso.sigh sigh sigh.luckily i managed to beg for the aftn off this sat,then i can make it for the 6a gathering!haha.i'll be really sad if i cant go,cos tht would make it the first time i miss their outing.

wells anyhow,i will try to make this hol as meaningful and enjoyable as possible(: and im getting my 1st paycheck tmr!or sat xD yayy i wonder hw much i've earned.its kinda exciting getting my 1st paycheck xD somemore i worked so hard.hahahaha.cant wait for sat(: finally sth other than work xD

haha i've finally decided to blog.i was busy la k..but once agn procrastination is bad,cos nw i haf uber a lot of things to blog about.i dno whr to start.hhmph.

6a chalet 09(:
haha this yr's chalet was prolly the best we've had the past 6 yrs(: it juz gets better and better,more and more fun,as we become closer and closer(: hope as the yrs past we will be able to continue this tradition and juz haf fun tgt and enjoy each other's company amidst our busy schedules!hehe,since others haf blogged about the stuff we haf done, i shall juz write about certain more impressionable stuff hehe.i learnt a new game called molly!its quite fun act xD then me,fx and don were like the strongest trio la.hha power frm the god of whoosh xD then fx was uber funny,cos he got prob differentiating left and right, then our action was to hold the cards on the right hand and put the left hand on the knee.then when he got a flush he juz kept switching his cards frm the left to right then left hand agn xD it was uberrr funny hahahahaha:D but we still owned!hehe.when jj,qh and edwin's trio couldnt even get pass the zero mark wahahaha.

ohh then when simin came we decided to give the guys the cards tht we made for them.haha it was meant to be a surprise but i guess we din hide it v well xD but we really wrote our "zhen1 xin1 hua4" inside k, hehe hope the guys were touched(:

haha oh we had fun at the arcade as well!(: haha but i kinda bruised my poor hands while playing bishi bashi xD too engrossed alr,then hit the buttons too hard.bruised for many days la..lol.haha and i played para para for the 1st time,hoping tht i din look too stupid xD all of us took a turn,and some were juz "closet dancers" la.hahaha:D ohh and daytona.donchan taught me hw to change gear haha.cos i always juz choose manual but dun change gear xD then he helped change gear while i steer.lol a bit cheat la haha.i shall learn hw to change gear and steer at the same time nxt time xD

ohh we had a nice long htht oso.haha.if it was a few yrs back i would nvr haf imagined we could act sit down and juz talk liddat.and we really talked about really random stuff.haha frm how we feel about each other to more "censored" stuff which i dun really haf much idea about.haha.i think i looked and sounded really dumb and ignorant xD but maybe it's nt such a bad thing to stay innocent!hahaha.and i act told tht whole group about my 2 main principles about loving someone xD oh and it was really funny and shocking when simin suddenly said she had "condoms" to give us xD but act it was chocolate disguised as a condom.it was quite cute act hha.

haha and i probably destroyed my whole image the 1st morn xD cos it so happened i woke up last,realising tht i totally forgot about bringing my toothbrush.and my morn voice prob sounds a bit bim and "dia", so i totally provided a morning entertainment show for the 6a peeps.hahahaha.okok bright side bright side,at least i made them laugh(:

then bbq!haha i kinda slacked this yr, like i din really help in the bbqing xD cos i was totally helping the trio,don,fx and jj camwhore xD ant's prolly gna be sad, so fast replaced by don alr xD dun be sad!u are still impt! haha xD and they v bad la, i help them take so nice pics they somemore keep trying to take unglam shots of me.they took one uber fat photo of me la,cos donchan took it frm bottom up.uber ugly.and they v bad keep laughing and laughing.hhmphh.

haha then the highlight of the chalet.the speech by the 3 main organisers.it was totally cui1 lei4 la.i was filming,but my tears couldnt help but flow out xD finally when they were done and i could put down the cam then i started to really cry.haha it was so touching la.and i was quite malu-ed cos it seemed like only me and qh were crying v hard.then we couldnt stop.then sometimes we were laughing and crying at the same time.haha.im gna watch the speech vid agn and agn when i haf time(: and reminisce and emo agn.lol jkjk.

haha then 2nd morn i woke up the earliest la.cos i had to sleep uber straight,if nt i will either disturb yu or knock into the guys' heads xD so i decided to juz get up and wait for the rest to wake up xD

good times always pass really fast,3D2N of chalet juz passed liddat.but once agn we created much more happy memories for us to carry on to the nxt phase of our lives(: it really feels more and more like family, and i hope time will nt dilute this feeling but instead continue to strengthen the bonds between us!:D

Hongkong:D
went for a short hol to hk for the 2nd time wif me parents and auntie(: it was kinda a last minute hol plan,cos this yr my parents din plan for a trip early enuff,so most of the flights and tour packages were full by the time we decided to go book.so in the end we settled for hk xD act i wanted to go us lo, but my mum say no tickets and too rushed,so she promised to bring me this yr b4 uni starts hehe(: its winter in hk nw,so all the clothes and stuff in shops are mostly for the winter season.thts why i din buy much this time hahaa.so i juz browsed,then ate nice food,did a bit of sight seeing.haha but either im getting old,or thr's sth wrong wif my back,cos i really hurt quite badly.dno whether its cos i did too much walking.haha.sighh lao3 le4 lao3 le4 xD

Countdown to 2010 with 6a
countdown wif 6a peeps seems to haf become a tradition as well xD it was a total camwhoring session in the aftn la.haha i realised i really enjoy taking nice photos.hehe maybe i shud really take up photography xD but one thing bad about being the photographer is tht u are nt in the photos xD lol.and i sat in the flyer for the 1st time!hehe it was a nice experience,the view was quite gd(: and the photo we took was uber nice la,although it was 10 bucks,but i felt it was worth it(: everyone looked so nice in the pic,cant help but smile everytime i look at it xD

then we went marina to watch fireworks and countdown(: we had a nice htht agn(: i really think hthts are gd,it helps us understand each other more and makes it feel even more like family(: haha but im becoming more and more like glass to them la,i keep telling them more and more things about myself i dun normally tok about xD

final thoughts
haha i realised this is a uber long post.result of procrastination xD its finally 2010.2009 has truly been one of the most memorable yrs for me.filled with both painful,stressful experiences as well as warm,cheerful and fun times(: and i realised im really growing up.I'M PAYING ADULT FARE!lol i knw its nt worth such a big fuss but this really make the ageing fact strike me.well,so i shud learn to let go of the past and embrace new experiences(: act im really afraid of growing up.like really really afraid.im afraid of uncertainty.im afraid tht as time passes i will slowly forget the things tht used to make me smile.im afraid of making the wrong decisions.im afraid tht i wun live up to expectations.im afraid tht relationships will slowly fade with time.im afraid of falling behind.im afraid my scar wun heal.im afraid of being judged.im afraid of making mistakes.im afraid im afraid im afraid.but i guess fear's nt gg to change anything.so i'll juz hafta become stronger and embrace all the new challenges tht im gna face(: haha easier said than done,but i'll try my best(: after all,without the lows in life,u would nvr knw the joy and satisfaction the highs bring(:

and im act really blessed,compared to many other ppl.so i shud b satisfied and nt keep my mind focused on the unhappiness in my life.i've always had a blessed life,wif wonderful parents,a gd education,and caring frens(: i have nt really experienced lack,and i have always been in my comfort zone.sometimes i think im too protected.so much so tht im quite ignorant about basic life skills, leading to a really weak character.muz start strengthening my character,if nt i wun survive in the real world xD

ohh and i got a job!hehe.juz like tht xD tht's why i said im really quite blessed.i was juz worrying about getting a job a few days ago,cos i really dno hw to go about looking for one,then ystd morn my ex phy tutor called me to ask whether i wna go back to help him.haha.thts one of my troubles solved xD haha i really consider him a gui4 ren2 in my life lo.he really has helped me a lot,apart frm improving my phy frm an E to an A haha.all tutors shud b liddat lo, like care for their students frm the bottom of their hearts and really want them to succeed instead of juz the money.hahaa and im really quite glad i got a job.at least im starting to feel useful."nuaing" at hm really kills brain cells and doesnt do any gd to me physically,mentally and emotionally.hehe.but this means i gotta start revising my physics xD and im nt as readily available for my frens as last time.but nvm i shall do my best to balance both work and frens!hehe.as soon as i cfm my schedule(:

haha omg i realised this is really an uber long post.im gna end here xD and i shall try to update my blog regularly so this wun happen agn.hahahahahaha:D