hahaa people who still come to this blog,which is like dead,so im officially gna pronounce it dead hahahaha. i set up a new blog: iusedtobelieve.tumblr.com. ahahha this one is alive and kicking(:

this wk has been crazy for me.both physically and emotionally.sometimes i wonder how much one's heart can take.

a heart is like a shelf,u keep piling things on it until eventually something falls off,and u are left to pick up the pieces.

im unhappy.yupp im just gonna say it plainly.yupp,lots of things are preventing me from feeling really happy and high.thr's also another way of putting it, its tht thr's really nth much for me to be happy abt nowadays. sryy for making myself sound pmsy and stuff. maybe im realli being pmsy i dno. wadeva. im just stressed, worried and depressed abt stuff.like many stuff.stuff tht i wont elaborate abt here. i guess i juz needed to vent.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i wonder if screaming helps. i guess not,it'll probably just add on to my problems.like getting complains from my neighbours.

hha today was a day filled w non-stop eating.i better control my diet soon b4 i put on weight!!!hahaa cos my boss bought a lot of nice food to treat me today.first he bought me some peanut pancake he said was nice.then he bought durians!!which were super duper nice.then after cls he brought us to eat salted egg crab.which was awesome as well.hahaa he was saying the more u r conscious of wad u eat the more u will put on weight.so juz eat.but b4 tht he said his assistant who worked for him last time gained 10kg after working 6 months with him.OMG.haha im nt gna let tht happen to me.wahahaha.

im still a workaholic xD but im kinda enjoying my job,cos i've got a nice boss who gives nice treats frm time to time(: oh, and today i had my first experience of teaching like a cls.hahaa,ok la,only had 6 students,but it was still scary k!my boss always like to stress me like tht last min,ask me to teach electricity to a cls of 6.and i hvn prepared,cos it was last min.hahaa,and i was trying to show them hw a stationary wave was formed cos a guy asked,but my drawing was too ugly and they laughed at me :S hahaa,nvm im used to ppl laughing at me anw.but other than tht i survived!yayy hahaa.hope i din spoil my tcher's reputation though xD

i realised i haf to make some changes abt myself.after some thought and reflection xD and im totally learning hw to adopt an "i dun care" attitude abt everything.i kinda makes my life so much simpler and happier.

i found my new crush.hehe amidst my busy work schedule(in case yall dno yet im striving to become a workaholic xD).xiao le in xia yi zhan!!!!!!!!!!!i've decided to crush 5 yr olds frm nw on.it shud make me happier(:

sighh anw i think im working too hard.im falling sick.bleahhhhh.i oso dno why im working my socks off,nt as if i need the cash.maybe i knw why.sigh wadeva.

so nw my life is basically work,watch xia yi zhan,work,watch xia yi zhan.lol.cant wait for my driving lessons to start(: so exciting.driving makes me feel grown up(: hehe.

then recently i think this song is uber nice.hehe.esp the lyrics.niceeeeeeeeeee.

他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

registered for my driving lessons and tests and stuff ystd(: feel quite gd about it, tht's one strike off my lists of to-dos(: im trying to find stuff to do/learn to make myself feel useful other than working.hmm,but it's so difficult to find courses and stuff, at least im finding it difficult xD

today got some advice frm my boss/ex tutor about uni apps.he adviced me to do accountancy or some sciences.cos he feels im more of a science person.which is quite true act, i feel the same abt myself xD then i asked him abt studying in smu, then he said smu is ok,then he told me to do a double degree in econs and business management.then i was like siao ah, my econs uber suck xD but he said econs in uni is diff frm jc.then he told me to go read and expose myself more to real world economics maybe i will find it interesting.perhaps bah.i oso dno.then at first he said chem engineering was nt a bad idea oso.then he called his ex student to help me ask abt life in nus chem engineering, then in the end she was like dun come nus chem engineering cos its uber competitive.lol.then i was telling him hw my mum wants me to do law, then he adviced me against it cos he say i will get bullied xD i think so too hahah.i realised my tutor kan4 ren2 quite zhun3.haha.so this short talk with me inspired me to go look at the uni websites to see the courses and admission details and stuff.which left me even more discouraged and confused.haha.cos the admission criteria for the courses im thinking of all v high.sighhhhhhhhhhhh.nvm nvm,i'll make a gd decision in the end(:

i shall become a workaholic xD then maybe i'll stop thinking too much abt alot of things(:

sometimes the memories are worth the pain.

hahaa i realised im working quite hard xD i din expect myself to stand working such long hours.by long i mean like for eg on sun,i work the entire day,until 10 plus at nite.sun u know!!lol.and other days too,depending on hw much admin work thr is to be done and wad clses thr are and whether i need to do any one-to-one makeup.hahaa,but strangely im nt dreading it.yet.lol.although 1-to-1's r really stressful and i always hafta prepare b4hand which means im like studying phy all over agn xD but its kinda fun seeing the j2s getting stressed out while im kinda over tht period.oops.hahahahaha.i hope i wun hafta work so long hours for the whole of 6 months.cos thr r other things i act really wna accomplish in this hol.kk let me list it out.
1. driving lessons
2. learn hw to cook(i've given up on finding clses its like so difficult,i shall buy cookbooks and experiment at hm)
3. basic dance clses?
4. resume guitar cls
5. read up on uni courses and really decide on wad i wna study
6. lookup on unis (both local and overseas)

yupp.and besides all these and work i still wna haf time for my frens.sighh sounds like mission impossible.but nvm i'll work it out.hha.i realised having work is gd in a sense i learn things and i spend my time more meaningfully,but i really means having quite a great commitment, and im nt so free to say yes so readily to my frens anymore.which makes me kinda sad): i used to be really free and readily available for most of my frens dates xD but nw i hafta see hw and beg my fren to cover me or beg my boss for off.like i haf a cls chalet coming up,but i dun knw whether i can go.and my sec4 cls dinner oso,i oso dno whether i can make it.sighhhh.im sad.cos these sort of catching up are impt to me.but i cant neglect my work commitment oso.sigh sigh sigh.luckily i managed to beg for the aftn off this sat,then i can make it for the 6a gathering!haha.i'll be really sad if i cant go,cos tht would make it the first time i miss their outing.

wells anyhow,i will try to make this hol as meaningful and enjoyable as possible(: and im getting my 1st paycheck tmr!or sat xD yayy i wonder hw much i've earned.its kinda exciting getting my 1st paycheck xD somemore i worked so hard.hahahaha.cant wait for sat(: finally sth other than work xD